It
is very unfortunate and tragic that, even in this modern day and age; marriages
are broken and shattered by the pressure from family and society due to
infertility.
Recently I met my old patient and it was heart breaking to listen
to her story. Six years back when I met her, she was struggling to conceive and
we had treated her successfully. The couple had a love marriage and I could
instantly sense the love and chemistry between them. Unfortunately her
pregnancy ended up in preterm delivery at 29 weeks and consequently her baby
died. I could not meet her after the incident, as they were located very
far.
When I met her recently, I was shocked to know the string of
events which followed the baby’s death. Invariably all the family members put
the blame on the woman. I was surprised to know that, the family actually
analyzed the situation and looked for a solution with the help of astrology
(jyothishm). The recommendation was that, the horoscope ( jathakom ) of the
husband and wife did not match which resulted in the baby’s death. The worst
part was that, they even predicted that the husband will die, if he continued
in the marriage and divorce was suggested. Friends and relatives made sure that
their happy marriage was mercilessly crushed.
I still remember the chemistry between them. They were a lovely
couple, so happy together, they did not really need a child to make them happy,
both were very creative , talented and unique individuals. Divorce created lots
of problems for both the individuals, she had to take antidepressants, he
became a drunkard and the career of both was affected badly. The ex- husband is
facing financial issues and drinking problems now.
When we ponder on this issue, from the superstitions what did the
family gain? What did the society gain ? Do you think that the families or
parents that make such decisions are good for the society?
The reason for the sub-fertility was that the sperms were
subnormal, so the actual medical reason is far from the truth. The cause of preterm
delivery and neonatal death must have been semen abnormality. It has nothing to
do with mismatch / jathakom or religion. But the superstitions shattered the
life of two happy individuals. I feel that society and family should stop
interfering in the life of couples, who are unable to have a baby. "PLEASE
LEAVE THEM ALONE".
It is not a must that you should have your own baby to have a
fulfilling life, many couple chooses to live happily without planning kids.
Consider finding happiness in looking after other children, there are so many
unfortunate children around us who are thirsting for parental love. Adoption is
always a great option.
Above all, it is the basic human right to make their own decisions
when it comes to building a family. (women and men have equal rights) You
have to be strong enough to say, "I WILL MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS IN MY
LIFE". Whether you are single, Gay, heterosexual or homosexual couples,
every single human should have the basic human right to decide how they
should live, without interference from society.
Dr. Anita Mani
Infertility Specialist at Gift IVF Centre
anitadane@gmail.com
bangaloreivf.blogspot.in
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Dr. Anita Mani is a renowned infertility specialist in
south India with 15 years experience in ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology).
Dr. Anita has successfully set up ART hospitals in Cochin and Bangalore,
along with her spouse Dr. S Mani. She
completed MRCOG, from Royal College of Obstetrician and Gynaecologist London, DFFP from ART Warwick university and worked
in UK for 5 years. Dr. Anitha believes in scientific and ethical practice and
is currently the director of Gift Gyno IVF centre Cochin
and Bangalore. Apart from advanced laparoscopic
surgeries, she is also an expert in various ART techniques including IVF,
IUI, ICSI , donor egg / sperm. Her proficiency is in
genetic abnormalities and high risk pregnancies.
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